The Math Class – Eastport South Manor Junior High School (2010)

“The Math Class”

By Nick Trace

Eastport South Manor Junior High School

(Music playing, “You Get What you Give”, lights up, Christine enters stage right, sits at stage left chair, and puts feet up. Andrea enters and sits down in stage right chair. Lights fade. Girls freeze in position as you hear the tick tock tick tock of a clock. Lights up when the ticking clock sound is over.)

Andrea: Chris, wake upppppppp. Chris wake uppppppppppp.

(Andrea then pushes Chris off of the chair, startling her out of her sleep)

Christine: NO.

Andrea: Why?

Christine: Cause I’m tired. Now leave me alone Drea!!!

Andrea: Do you fall asleep in other subjects?

Christine: No, just math.

Andrea: Doesn’t she give you detention?

Chris: I sleep in that too.

(Andrea goes back to trying to do the class work.)

Andy: Chris….

Chris: Yeah?

Andy: Is this math…or Chinese writing?

Chris: You’re telling me they’re different?

Andy: I guess not…they both look the same and pretty much sound the same. Sooo how do you think you did on the test?

Chris: We had a TEST?

Andy: I think…I mean there were like numbers…and words…and –

Chris: WHAT? You need to stop confusing me.

Andy: I need to stop confusing myself.

Chris: How much longer left in the period?

Andy: About 5 minutes.

Chris: How perfect, I only need about five more minutes of sleep and I should be good.

Andy: Oh no you’re not going to sleep and leaving me alone actually doing this stuff!!

Chris: Watch me.

Andy: If you do I’ll tell Mrs. Daisy that you fall asleep everyday.

Chris: So? She already seems pretty fine with it.

Andy: Then I’ll just yell at you when you sleep.

Chris: Uggghhhh fine. But you owe me five minutes of my life back.

Andy: How’s a piece of gum tomorrow?

(Turn and laugh at each other)

Andy: Yeah right!

Chris: You know I had a nightmare like that once.

Andy: Really?

Chris: Yeah, I actually did work.

Andy: WOWWWWWW.

Chris: Yeah, I woke up screaming.

Andy: That sounds like you.

Chris: Oh. My. GOD. Look at Eugene!!!!!!!

Andy: Is he picking his nose?

Chris: What?!? No, he’s working.

Andy: Ahhh that’s not cool.

Chris: Tell me about it.

(Andy starts making airplanes and flying them, one at a time all over the classroom. Chris tries to continue with the math work, banging very loudly on the calculator).

Andy: Man, I am SO BORED.

Chris: I bet I’m more bored.

Andy: Trust me you’re not.

Chris: You wanna have a bored fight?

Andy: A what? NO.

Chris: How ‘bout we count the ceiling tiles?

Andy: No.

Chris: Ok. Then what?

Andy: I don’t know.

Chris: Are you excited about the Frost Valley trip next week?

Andy: (gets up out of her chair and goes over to Chris, feeling her forehead as if she has a fever.) Chris…are you alright?

Chris: What? Yeah I’m fine.

Andy: Well then you would remember the trip was LAST week.

Chris: Oh yeah….

Andy: I knew you couldn’t remember anything in math, but I didn’t know it was that bad.

Chris: What was how bad?

Andy: You better not be serious.

Chris: Nahh, I’m kidding I knew it was last week.

Andy: Sure you did.

Chris: Really!

Andy: Yeah…not.

Chris: Now you’re just getting annoying.

Andy: It’s one of my many qualities.

Chris: One of mine is I’m able to just block out anything anybody says. I go into like a trance or something. Watch, I’ll show you. (Chris turns so that she is facing the audience and just stares with her head in her hands).

Andy: What? Chris this won’t do anything you’re obviously going to hear me. Umm….Chris? (Waves hands in front of her face. Pokes her gently.) Ok then I guess you will miss the cookies that I’m handing out now.

Chris: Cookies?

Andy: Yeah, I knew you totally heard me.

Chris: Whatever, where are the cookies?

Andrea: I lied.

Christine: You’re a sick person.

Andrea: I know.

Christine: When is the bell gonna ring?

Andrea: In like three minutes.

Christine: Its only been two minutes?

Andrea: Yeah

Christine: I think that clock goes slow.

Andrea: It’s a normal clock.