Love Stinks – Bridgehampton School (2010)

Hayley Lund and I. J. Hemby in Jennah Hochstedler's play, "Love Stinks." Photo by Jessica Adamowicz.

“Love Stinks”

By Jennah Hochstedler

Bridgehampton School, Bridgehampton, NY.

Setting- The setting is in Long Island New York. The scene is in Violet’s bedroom. There is a bench, a bed and a dresser. It is the night time, about 7:00. Jeremy and Violet are about to go on a date.

At rise- Jeremy walks, up the stairs and onto the stage, looking around the room.

JEREMY: Violet, Violet? Are you there Violet?

VIOLET: (Calls from the bathroom.) Yeah, I’ll be out in one second. Just make yourself at home.

JEREMY: Go ahead, take your time. (He walks around nervous; scratching his head, covering his face with his hands in frustration. Keeps pacing around and talking to himself.) Ugh, I can’t do this. Why did I agree to this? (Faces audience) Ok so I have this group of friends, well they are not my real friends. They just annoy me so much. They think that they are so cool, but all they do is make people miserable. They are all jerks! This kid John, the leader, said that I had to go on a date with Violet. She is like the weirdest kid in my school. Well, that’s what John thinks. John said that if I don’t do this that he would tell Maria (sound cue), the girl that I have been in love with since the 2^nd grade, that I watch Hannah Montana. But I don’t. I watch UFC. Go Anderson Silva! (Violet starts singing)

JEREMY: Oh no I can hear her coming now. (Places hands on face in frustration.)

VIOLET: (Walks into room. Flirty voice.) Well hello there Jeremy.

JEREMY: (Disappointed.) Oh, hi Violet.

(Violet sits down on the bench next to Jeremy. Silence. Both characters look around the room; scratch their heads)

JEREMY: So…

VIOLET: So…

(Violet scoots closer to Jeremy and he scoots away. Violet does this a few more times until Jeremy falls off of the bench.)

VIOLET: I’m so sorry. Are you ok?

JEREMY: I’m fine. I’m fine. (He struggles to get up so Violet helps him.)

VIOLET: So, what do you want to do?

JEREMY: I don’t know, watch a movie?

VIOLET: Yeah, OK. (Says enthusiastically) We can watch Beauty and the Beast. (Jeremy shakes his head) Ok, then what do you want to watch?

JEREMY: How about we watch Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

VIOLET: I love that movie! (Grabs the remote and changes the channels quickly. Talks fast and babbles on and on.) Did you know that they made that movie with clay and computers? I saw it 15 times in the movie theater and 5 times on DVD. I just love that movie; it is the best movie ever. Am I talking to fast? I sometimes do that when I am nervous or stressed or at anytime really.

JEREMY: Yeah, you sure do.

VIOLET: I know every word by heart. You stay here I am going to get some snacks. (Leaves room.)

JEREMY: Yeah go ahead. (Once she leaves he smacks his forehead.) What did I get myself into? I just feel so bad for her. She doesn’t have any friends. She is so desperate. She just wants some attention. She doesn’t mean to be so nerdy. I think it runs in her family. You should see her mom. (Shivers) I mean you can’t blame her. (Hears footsteps coming up the stairs) She is coming now.

VIOLET: There was no popcorn so I brought some… WOW! (Falls on the ground. Waits a few seconds) I’m OK! Just a couple of broken bones. It’s alright. I’ll just help myself up.

JEREMY: Here let me help you. (Walks over and tries to help him up but she accidentally pulls him down.)

VIOLET: (Rambles on and on) I am so sorry. I’m such a klutz I always do stuff like this. Some people laugh at me and then I am embarrassed. Once, someone even tried to pull down my pants in public. (Keeps talking while Jeremy tries to get her attention) I thought that it was really rude of them to do that. I mean I get annoyed with people, but you don’t see me pulling down their pants.

JEREMY: Violet. Violet. VIOLET!!!

VIOLET: Oh, I did that again, didn’t I. Sorry.

JEREMY: Yeah, well let’s just watch the movie.

VIOLET: Yeah, good idea.

(They both walk over to the bench and sit down. They sit in silence, awkwardly. Violet tries to put her arm around Jeremy, Jeremy looks at her and she stops. Violet tries again, but fails when Jeremy bursts out laughing at the movie)

JEREMY: (Says quietly) Oh, such a funny monkey.

(Violet tries one more time and succeeds. She squeezes him tightly, not wanting to let go. Jeremy looks at her then freaks out and tries to escape her grasp. At first he can’t but then when he finally gets out he shivers and dusts himself off.)

VIOLET: What’s wrong Jeremy? Don’t you like me? (Almost begins to cry)

JEREMY: Oh, of course I do, I am just a little bit claustrophobic.

VIOLET: Oh, OK.

(Jeremy sits down next to Violet again. They watch the movie.)

VIOLET: You are such a nice person, Jeremy. (Puts her head on his shoulder) And you are cute too.

JEREMY: (Confused) Yeah, thanks.

(Violet picks up her head again. She leans in to kiss Jeremy.)

JEREMY: What are you doing?

(Opens her eyes and looks at Jeremy)

VIOLET: Nothing.

(They watch the movie again. Silence. They both laugh at the movie, then look at each other and stop laughing.)

VIOLET: You know, I have seen this movie so many times. How about we go to town? You know, like out into public. We are a couple now aren’t we?

JEREMY: NO!! I mean, you don’t want to go out into town, where everyone can see us. Don’t you want to stay here? How about we play something?

VIOLET: OK, play what? (Disappointed)

JEREMY: Don’t you have any board games?

VIOLET: Oh yeah, I have tons. I have brain-a-mania, Who wants to be a mathematician, Czeslovikian Scrabble, Extreme Boggle, and my new favorite Are you Smarter than a…

JEREMY: A fifth grader?

VIOLET: No a Nuclear Physicist.

JEREMY: On second thought, how about we do something else?

VIOLET: Yeah. You are so cute when you are smart. You’re also cute when you are sad, happy, angry, and pretty much all the time. (Folds hands and places them close to her cheek. She stares at Jeremy and smiles. Jeremy looks away.)

JEREMY: Yeah, sure. Thanks, I guess.

(Violet sticks her lips out to kiss Jeremy. Jeremy finally sees her. He is surprised.)

JEREMY: (Looks around. Looks up to the sky, whispers) “Seriously?!” (He leans in to kiss her, hesitantly. Waits a couple of seconds) I can’t do this! (Jeremy gets up and paces around)

VIOLET: Is something wrong?

JEREMY: Yes! (Talking to himself) I am sorry John but I cannot do this any longer.

VIOLET: What are you talking about? And who is John?

JEREMY: I am sorry Violet, but I don’t really like you.

(Violet looks at him, surprised and sad.)

JEREMY: (Sits down) I like another girl. Actually I love another girl. I have been in love with her since the second grade. Maria… (sound cue) She is just so beautiful.

VIOLET: Maria!?!?!?! Seriously, her? (Stands Up)

JEREMY: Yes and I wouldn’t have really asked you out, but John dared me to do it. I couldn’t back out because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

VIOLET: Well, it’s too late. You already did. (Runs away crying, then she trips and stays on the ground.) Oww.

JEREMY: Here let me help you. (Walks over and tries to help her.)

VIOLET: NO!!! I can help myself.

(She tries to get up but struggles. Jeremy helps her up. He brings her over to the bench. They sit down.)

VIOLET: You are still a jerk, a cute, sweet, sensitive, jerk. Oh, look what you did. Now my hair is all messed up, (Takes out her pony tails) and my glasses are cracked. (Takes off glasses)

(Jeremy is amazed because he sees another side of Violet, the beautiful side.)

JEREMY: WOW!!!!

VIOLET: What now? Are you going to tell me that I am ugly, fat, and that I have no friends?

JEREMY: No, no, that’s not it.

VIOLET: Then what is it?

JEREMY: It’s, it’s…

VIOLET: WHAT?!?! (Still angry)

JEREMY: It’s that you look so beautiful.

VIOLET: Really? That’s so sweet. (Angry) I mean, no! I am not going to fall for you again.

JEREMY: I know violet, I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s just…

VIOLET: I know. It is just that you love that girl, Maria. (Sound cue) Ick.

JEREMY: But now, she doesn’t matter. All that matters is you. You are beautiful and smart and Maria doesn’t mean anything to me.

VIOLET: Wow, wow, wow! (Stands up) No way, definitely not. First you think that I am a disgusting weirdo. Then when I change my clothes and hair you think that I am beautiful. I am sorry but I don’t roll like that.

JEREMY: But, Violet. I do really like you. I’ve liked you all along. I just didn’t want to let anyone see it.

VIOLET: Really? (Sits down)

JEREMY: Yes and now I can finally let my feelings show. (Leans in to kiss Violet.)

(Violet’s phone rings.)

VIOLET: Hello?

(Jeremy falls over.)

VIOLET: Oh, hi Albert. (Pause) Aww, thanks. You are so sweet. (Pause) Of course I will go on a date with you. When? (Pause) Oh, now? (Pause) You are waiting outside of my house? (Pause) Ok, I will be down soon! I have some business (looks at Jeremy) to take care of. Ok, Bye. (hangs up) Well where were we? Right, I was just about to tell you that I need someone who likes me for who I am, not what I look like. I need someone who is sweet, and kind, and caring. That is why Albert is the guy for me. I am sorry Jeremy, but I am going on a date with a real man.

VOICE OF ALBERT, OFFSTAGE: (nerdy) Violet, Are you coming?

VIOLET: Yes, dear! (Looks at Jeremy, angrily) Goodbye Jeremy.

JEREMY: (Once violet leaves) Love Stinks!

The end