Why Does Life Always Get in the Way? (2017)
Marissa Jacabacci and Spencer
McAuliffe in Katherine Kimes’
play “Why Does Life Always Get
in the Way?”
Why Does Life Always Get in the Way?
by Katherine Kimes
(Amber walks on stage texting on her phone, oblivious to everything around her)
Life: (puts hand up) Stop.
Amber: (disgusted and angry) Excuse me?
Life: (examining Amber) Oh no no no this will absolutely not do. We have a lot of work to do Amber.
Amber: What? Who are you?
Life: (matter of factly) Life.
Amber: (laughs) Life? (laughs) Yeah, right and I’m death. (tries to walk away)
Life: (Gets up from chair and stops her again) hmm… Oh I know, your precious boyfriend just broke up with you.
Amber: (laughs) Yeah right. (phone dings, she looks down at her phone, gasps, and looks back up) Why you… Uggh! He was my BOYFRIEND!
Life: Yes, I am very aware of that (looks at her fingernails very nonchalantly).
Amber: Do you think this is funny? Do you know what this means for me?
Life: You’ll survive. (Amber looks even more angry, groans annoyed) Look, you lost your boyfriend, yes, but you still have things other than that lame boyfriend of yours. What do you have?
Amber: (proudly) Well, I do have 1,000 followers on instagram and I was voted most popular in the school last quarter.
Life: Anything else? (trying to prompt her)
Amber: Oh, of course, how could I forget! I have the most fantastic wardrobe! (looking at her outfit, admiring it)
Amber: (snaps out of her admiration) What?
Life: Gone. Your “fantastic wardrobe” you lost it while traveling with your family. (mocks sympathy) Lost luggage always does suck.
Amber: (furious) Uggh! You give me that back right now, you monster! My Prada bags were in that suitcase!
Life: You have more than your Prada bags, Amber. What else do you have? (prompting) think…
Amber: (Still frustrated) WELL, I do have my followers on instagram and I’m popular. I would have had more if it wasn’t for you. (Glares at Life)
Life: You know, you really annoy me like to the next level of annoying. I gave you a chance, a chance to…
Amber: A chance for what? For you to make fun of me and get in my way? And TAKE things from me?
Life: Forget it! You won’t listen to me if you don’t want my help.
Amber: HELP? You call this help? How is this help? Ughh! I don’t even know why I’m indulging you. (pause examining life) This is nonsense! (walking away)
Life: That’s it! I’m done! That little comment cost you your instagram followers (takes her phone and deletes instagram and furiously types) oops!
Amber: What have you done? My friends will never talk to me again! You are violating me! That is my PRIVATE PROPERTY! They were my friends!
Life: Were they really?
Amber: What do you mean, “were they really?” Of course they were!
Life: Would real friends leave you just because you deleted your social media?
Amber: (Confused) Well, they are the only ones I’ve got.
Life: Think of this as a favor, Amber. You’ll get new better friends (happily)
Amber: You are just so incompetent! I can’t stand you!
Life: Incompetent? Me? (laughing) Life isn’t always how you want it to be.
Amber: Where is this going to get me? You, taking everything I ever worked so hard to get.
Life: I don’t know, Amber, you tell me.
Amber: (blowing it off) Uggh! This is completely ridiculous!
Life: Ridiculous? Fine. Goodbye popularity. You lost your lame friends because you “weren’t talking to them on social media.” Sorry about your luck.
Amber: I don’t get why the hell you are doing this to me! I didn’t do anything to you! My life was good, great actually, and then you come along and mess it all up. I loved my life and you took everything I had, thinking it was “funny” and destroyed it! I had friends, a boyfriend, a freaking fantastic reputation, and you snap your ugly and nasty fingers and “BOOM,” gone. You’re so selfish! Taking everything away from me and for what?… Your enjoyment? You make me sick! What is this for? I can’t take this anymore! I can’t take you anymore!
Life: Well that’s too bad for you.
Amber: THAT’S IT! I AM DONE! GIVE EVERYTHING BACK NOW!!!
Life: (happily, calmly) No.
Life: Wait let me guess. (dumbly) Your answer is yes? Well, the answer is still no.
Amber: Ughh! You are absolutely and utterly aggravating! I HATE YOU!
Life: (silent) I’m not always supposed to be loved, Amber. I do however need you to realize not only what I “take away” from you but what I leave behind too.
Amber: You took everything from me! What else do I have?
Life: (sighs) Amber, If you can’t figure that out for yourself, then I truly can’t help you. I’m sorry I couldn’t give that to you. (turns to leave)
Amber: Wait!…What do you mean? What couldn’t you give me?
Life: Forget it! You obviously don’t want my help.
Amber: You’re right I don’t want your “help.”
Life: Do me a favor though-
Amber: A favor? You’re joking.
Life: Just let me finish. (pause) Don’t think all about what you lost, think about what you still have.
Amber: Whatever! (Life exits stage and Amber aggressively sits very frustrated) Uggh! Who does she think she is? Taking everything from me and then asking me for a ridiculous favor? I don’t get it! I don’t have anything else to give! I didn’t do anything wrong! If anything, she should be the one getting things taken away. With that snobby attitude, what could I have done? (thinking) Uggh… Forget it! I don’t have time for this. I have to fix the mess life made.
Life: This has to be the hardest case yet, but I need her to realize… to figure it out! But how? (thinks for awhile) What could I do to make her realize? She’s not getting it! She’s not getting that life isn’t just about materialistic things or your “social status”! It’s about love and pain and passion! Pain in life is about growing stronger and realizing what you need isn’t one hundred likes on social media, It’s love and the beauty of this world. You NEED pain and suffering to be able to experience true love and see true beauty. I’m not doing this to torture her. I’m doing this to help her, to let be able to grow stronger and wiser. Even when I took everything away, she still got to go to school every day to get an education, she had a roof over her head, and she had true love from her family. She might not have had everything she wanted, but trust me, she had everything she ever needed. (Thinks for awhile and comes to a realization) I know what to do. It’s not going to be easy, but I have to do it because it’s unfortunately, what needs to be done.
(Amber enters and is seated)
Amber: Ughh, not you AGAIN!
Life: Amber, I’m serious. I have to do something I really don’t want to do. Amber: So don’t do it.
Life: I’m sorry.
Amber: Sorry for what?
Life: You said you had nothing, but you never really knew what it was like to have nothing. (sadly) Everything is gone. Everything.
Amber: (pale and shocked) What do you mean everything?
Life: Everything, Amber.
Amber: (losing hope) My sister?
Amber: (even more hope is lost) My mom? My dad?
Life: All gone.
Life: (sad) I’m sorry Amber. I truly am sorry.
Amber: (desperate) I’ll do anything! Please just give me my family back, please!
Amber: Yes! Anything! Anything at all!
Life: What about your boyfriend? Or your wardrobe? Or your social status?
Amber: I… I don’t care, I just want my family back.
Amber: Because they love me and care about me, and I love them!
Life: (happy) That’s it, Amber!
Amber: What do you mean?
Life: Think about it.
Amber: (thinks, and realizes) I don’t care about my social status or my wardrobe because they will never give me the love my family does.
Life: So, you would make a deal with me that even though you wouldn’t get your wardrobe, social status, and boyfriend back, but only your family and their love, you would make that deal?
Amber: (ecstatic) Yes, absolutely yes!
Life: (nonchalantly) Okay.
Amber: Okay? No tricks or jokes?
Amber: (grateful) Thank you.
Life: Well actually, I do have one thing…
Amber: (angry) Are you kidding me?
Life: Nah, I’m just kidding. (laughing)
Amber: You better be.
Life: (thoughtfully) Until next time, Amber. (waves goodbye and walks offstage)
Amber: It better be a long, long time from now.
Life: (offstage) Hey! I heard that!