Not Too Far From Home – Southampton High School (2010)

Not Too Far From Home
by James Allen
Southampton High School (Retreat Program)

Street Kid:
My name you ask? Does it really fucking make a difference
You are still going to make the same inference
That I was just born on the street
Not knowing that I actually slipped off my feet
Inferring that I grew up like this
That I don’t have a family to even miss
That I am some dumb ass kid
Who just dropped and slid

I am just a passerby
And one thing I notice, is this homeless guy
He needs to get his act together
Stop blaming things on the cold weather
That he couldn’t pay the heat bill
He had stomaches to fill
He had this or that, but hell so do I
As far as I’m concerned, he’s a bad guy

Street Kid:
Your thinking I’m an uneducated fool
Well I gotta tell ya, I’m thinking you’re a tool
Look at you, arm in arm with a new girl every week
But really you’re a prick, lookin’ kind of meek.
Thinking that I’m some kind of unsocial idiot
I think you’re a dull fuckin cidiot
And yeah, I swear a lot, but can ya blame me
You aint seen what I see

Look at him, makin’ this neighberhood look bad
Makin’ it look like homeless is the new fad
He needs to stop asking for people’s petty
But I guess he’s just not ready
Not ready to get his life back on track
But ready to slip through the cracks
cuz once you’re there, you’re stuck
But it’s not just bad luck
No, this is his fault
His emotions need to be locked in a vault

Street Kid:
And ya know… I’m just kind of angry at everything
I’m angry at all the things that used to make me feel like a king
I’m mad I don’t have them anymore
It’s one of the few things that still makes me sore
Now I start to think back to the things I hate
Brings me back to my family gates
That fight, it got big, too fast
It put my emotions deep into a cast
Casted them to the way they are now
Even though I was there, I still question how
How things changed so quick
How me hitting him, now makes me sick
Just the thought of it I guess
I love my self every day less and less
To hit my father, what the fuck was I thinking
My emotions connected, they were linking
You know what they say, only as strong as the weakest link
Only as strong as insanity’s brink

I can see the look in his eyes, looking back to what has happened
How he tries to keep his memories fastened
Well shit, I guess I do the same
No I can’t be equal to him, but look how close I came
I mean, I guess we all got family pain
But I guess some cant flush it down the drain
And it eats and tears at him
His eyes were once bright maybe, but now dim
What happened to this guy
Why does he look like he wants to die?

Street Kid:
But one thing I am thinking
Is if he thinks I’m purposely sinking
He needs to ask himself one thing
And then many answers it will bring
The question: am I a victim of consequence or desire
Am I a victim of stupidity, or internal fire
That will answer almost all that you need to know
So then maybe you can stop feeling so low
Cuz I know that’s a question he needs to hear
It’s a question that holds an answer filled with fear
It’s an answer that I finally found, here where I stand
Sure the streets might not look too grand
But I’m here by desire, internal fire

Wow, just from the sight of him, I think back
To all the pain I once had
I think back to the nights in the shack
Back to the fights with dad
And I was so quick to judge him just by look
But we are coming from the same place
Hell, I use to look like a crook
Maybe I should just get off his case
Just maybe I can understand his pain
Just throw him a few bucks
No, there I go again! Am I going insane?
Damn, my conscience sucks

Street Kid:
But what I’m starting to learn is,
that this is what will cause me to expire.
So what I do need, is not money
It’s a place to feel not so alone, but at home where things will always seem sunny
To get out of this fucking place…
To get fucking pricks like you off my case
Cuz its people like you that put me down
It’s people like you that cause me to drown
Its people like you that cause me to be raw
It’s people like you that make me want to forget what I saw

Fuck! I’m tearing my self apart over a guy I’m passing on the streets
But is it because I connect with him more then anyone I know
Fuck! I can’t stop thinking about all my defeats…
And I just can’t keep saying no!
I need to remember, I’m not a victim of consequence, but of desire
A victim of internal fire
(walks over and sits next to him)
You know, I used to feel the way you do
And I used to hate selfish pricks like me
I know how you hate too!
I know all the trouble you have to see!
AND NO! It’s not right!
But god damnit! You gotta put up a fight!
And I know, you’re tired of people calling you sleazy
But if you want it to change, you gotta put in work
And let people help you out of this hell hole
And stop thinking I’m a jerk
Because damnit, just cuz I lost my way don’t mean I lost my soul!

Street Kid:
Alright fine, I will admit that my problems are not yours
I will admit, that this is all my pain that I couldn’t handle
I’m the one that closed opportunity’s doors
I am the one that’s seen as society’s vandal
But, I’m just so far gone now
Gone past the point of return
And I still question how
I  slipped past the point of concern
But I now have finally made the point of realization
And I think that’s a step in the right direction
So I can stop being scene as some type of mutation
To head towards my life’s resurrection

I guess I forgot where I came from
I was a product of desire, just like he is now
Shit, it does seem kinda dumb
How much I used to question how
Kinda dumb how much we are the same
Kinda dumb how much I still hate
How much I got lost when I first came into the game
How much I believe now in fate
You know, I only got one thing to say
It’s that you’re not really a bad guy
And I just wanna say hey
don’t let your spirit die

Street Kid:
With that, I guess I gotta say thanks to this passerby
Who shot me an ugly look
Cuz I guess he’s not an ugly guy
And just maybe, I’m not a crook
Not robbing peoples petty
Not looking for depression
And starting to get kind of heady
And to finally stop going back to thoughts of regression
Thanks to this I guess ok passer by
Who’s not really a bad guy

The company of Not Too Far From Home, L to R: Sean Noonan (Street Kid), James Allen, Sean Esposito (Passerby)

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