Meals and the Media (2017)

Meals and the Media 

by Kimberly Hurd

Click here to watch “Meals and the Media”

Scene 1

(Around 6 pm, nice restaurant near where Peter and Lindsay go to college. Peter’s friend, Liam, set Peter up with Lindsay on a blind date through Tinder. Scene begins which each of them on a phone call on separate sides of the stage, facing the audience)

Peter
(enters SR, faces front on flip phone)
Liam, I can’t do this. I’m way too nervous. I haven’t been on a date in years.

Lindsay
(enters SL, faces front on iPhone)
Kaitlyn, I don’t wanna do this, he seems like a nerd! I’ve gone on like a million dates in the last month, I just wanna hang out with you tonight!

Peter
What even is Tinder? That does not sound like a safe way to meet someone.

Lindsay
There are so many other guys on Tinder! Why did you choose that one?

Peter
She seems very attractive. Is she out of my league?

Lindsay
He’s not like the boys I usually go for.

Peter
Well, of course I want this to work out. If she is anything like me, we could study and do homework together! I wouldn’t mind having someone to sit with in the library. Wait, Liam! I’m supposed to find out about the internship tonight.

Lindsay
(walking into restaurant)
I just wanna go to the frat party tonight in that building across the street. Everyone’s going to be there and you know I get serious FOMO! Do you think I could make it back in time?

Peter
You know this internship is one step closer to becoming a lawyer. I don’t want to run out early tonight but this is essential to my education.

Lindsay
Alright, Kaitlyn. I’ll try my best to not wanna kill myself the entire time.

Peter
Okay Liam, I’ll worry about it when the time comes. Thanks for all the help. I’ll talk to you later.

Lindsay
(sarcastically) Wish me luck. (ends call and sits at table)

 Peter
(hopeful) Wish me luck! (flips phone shut)
(notices Lindsay across stage, tries to wave, but gets ignored.) Hey! (Is ignored again, coughs loudly until she notices. Lindsaylooks up and turns to him, confused. He stands up and walks toward her, putting his hand out to shake hers.) Hello, you must be Lindsay right?

Lindsay
(Looks him up and down, ignoring his hand) Yea, hi. (She looks down at phone and continues to type)

Peter
Great! I am Peter, your blind date! (He covers his eyes on the word blind and giggles, an attempt to make a joke that she doesn’t acknowledge) (serious now) Alright, well why don’t I have a seat?

Lindsay
Sure.
(she sits, and puts down her phone. Looks around awkwardly for a few seconds, until picking her phone up again)

Peter
(nervous) So uh Lindsay, tell me a little bit about yourself. (awkward silence, then typing sounds are heard) Um, Lindsay?

Lindsay
(head shoots up) I’m sorry what?

Peter
(starting to sweat) I uh, just um, so what’s going on?

Lindsay
You mean like, with me?

Peter
Yes, with you.

Lindsay
(excited to talk about herself) Well, I’m just trying to think of a good tweet. I hit 5k an hour ago and I haven’t thanked my fans yet!

Peter
(confused) Oh um really? Wow that is just really…wow. (silence)
Do you have to do this now?

Lindsay
Of course! If I wait any longer I might lose a follower!

Peter
So?

Lindsay
(looks up and stares at him) SO?! Did you not hear what I said? I just got 5000 followers. (beat) On Twitter!!

Peter
(trying to stay calm) Okay, well it would be respectful for you to at least turn your phone off during the meal.

Lindsay
Well I think it would be respectful for you to not tell me what to do.

Peter
(deep breath) Fine, I’m sorry. (Starts playing with fork, then remembers how he wanted this to go well.) So, uh funny story. Today in class our professor handed out the homework assignment, but then realized he made copies of last week’s assignment instead!! (silence, sound of camera flashing as Lindsay snaps selfies) Lindsay??

Lindsay
Yeah?

Peter
Are you listening to me? I just told you a story and you’re sitting here having a photoshoot!

Lindsay
I was, but you lost me after you said “class.”

Peter
So you decide to take selfies the second someone mentions something remotely educational?

Lindsay
Actually, I’m getting paid to model and snapchat myself wearing this new lipstick shade.

Peter
(Gestures towards Waiter offstage) Alright, well, how about we place our order now?

Lindsay
Good idea. Thank God I took my selfies already because my lipstick would totally come off after eating.

Peter
(sarcastically) Thank God.

Scene 2

(Just finished meal)

Peter
Well, that was a very nice meal. My salmon was grilled perfectly.

Lindsay
My sushi was fine I guess.

Peter
Maybe it would have been better if you didn’t spend 5 minutes trying to find the perfect filter for it.

Lindsay
It’s not my fault the lighting in here sucks.

Peter
I swear to God you better be kidding right now.

Lindsay
Okay what is your deal? You’ve been passive aggressive to me all night. How can we even try to make this work if you’re going to criticize every move I make?

Peter
I just think that it’s extremely obnoxious for you to be attached to your phone the entire meal. We were supposed to be getting to know each other.

Lindsay
I’m sorry I want to document cool moments.

Peter
But that is all anyone does these days! I can never have an actual conversation with someone without them stopping to update their status.

Lindsay
Well, that’s just the way that things are today. I mean, it’s 2017!

Peter
So that gives you the right to be flat out rude and ignore me?

Lindsay
I’m sorry, I can’t help it if you’re boring.

Peter
I’m sorry I focus more on my studies than my cell phone. Unlike most people our age, I’m actually trying to earn a degree.

Lindsay
So am I! I’m a media studies major and half of my courses are online. Being on my cell phone is actually helping me earn mine!

Peter
Well I do not see anything practical about working on a cell phone. You are missing out on the real world! (gesturing to his phone) I don’t even want this contraption. I might as well just throw it away! (Peter’s phone rings) Ah, there you go again.

Lindsay
Actually Peter, that’s your phone. (points to it)

Peter
What?

Lindsay
Your phone is ringing, not mine. (sits back, crossing her arms. Peter picks up the phone and looks shocked) Well, turn it off. After all “there is nothing practical about a cell phone.”

Peter
(remembers about the internship) Shoot! Uh, shh, quiet Lindsay I have to take this. (answers phone and walks downstage right)

Lindsay
(stands up) Wow, the only thing worse than being on a date with a loser is being on a date with a hypocrite. (watches Peter)

Peter
(facing front)
Hell…yes this is Peter Danvers…I did?…Wow, thank you so much, I really appreciate it…I will not let you down, sir…I will see you Monday morning at 9…Thank you, have a great night sir! (walks back to Lindsay at table, smiling and excited, sits down composing a text to Liam)

Lindsay
(waiting) Um, Peter? (silence) Are you really going to stand there texting after you just tore me apart for being on my phone?

Peter
(looks up from phone) I’m sorry, what?

Lindsay
Are you kidding me?

Peter
This is something that is extremely important to me! With this internship I am almost guaranteed a career at any law firm in the city! Of course I am going to text about it, I have to let people know!

Lindsay
Oh, so now you agree that phones are useful to get news out? Where was that five minutes ago?

Peter
An internship is more important than a shade of lipstick, Lindsay.

Lindsay
Maybe to you, but if I want a career in media studies and advertising I need to document things my way. You act like you’re so different but you’re just as bad as the rest of us. (gets up and storms out off stage left, she dials Kaitlyn’s number) Hey Kaitlyn, can you come pick me up please? It was even worse than I expected.

Peter
(sits there speechless for a moment, gestures offstage towards waiter for the check. Phone dings and looks down to see notification, reads out loud) “@thelindsk: Special tweet for my 5k followers – always stay true to yourself and don’t alter your personality to please anyone else.” (sighs) Damn. (begins dialing number)

Lindsay
(re-enters stage left and faces front, on cell phone) What do you want?

Peter
(stands up, walks to stage right and faces front, on phone) To apologize. The truth is Lindsay, you seem really cool and I wanted to get to know you. I hate distractions, but it wasn’t fair of me to criticize you for being on your phone while on a date. We all do it. I’m just afraid that if this behavior continues no one will ever connect with each other face to face.

Lindsay
I’m just surprised you didn’t expect this. I mean, we met on Tinder! When have you been on a Tinder date that actually worked out?

Peter
(giggles) I’ve never been on a Tinder date before. Actually, I haven’t been on a date since high school. Now I see what I’m missing out on.

Lindsay
That explains a lot.

Peter
I mean, I guess I am just too wrapped up in my studies.

Lindsay
I see where you’re coming from. I haven’t been on a date that worked out since high school. Maybe I’m too wrapped up in my phone.

Peter
You should be able to use your phone as much as you want. Actually, I’m glad my friend Liam set us up this way. Without Tinder, I never would have met you.

Lindsay
That’s really sweet of you to say, but you had the right to call me out. I was being rude and I shouldn’t have judged you for caring about school.

Peter
I guess we both made a lot of mistakes tonight. Would you maybe want to try this again next Friday night?

Lindsay
I would consider it, unless I hit 6000 followers that day. I have priorities, Peter.

Peter
Of course you do Lindsay, of course you do.