Make America Think Again (2016)
Lola Lama and Eva Doyle in
Daniella Lejarza’s play
“Make America Think Again”
Make American Think Again
by Daniella Lejarza
Jennifer: Ugh! Un-friend! Un-friend! Un-friend, bitch!
Jennifer: (Jennifer looks up to see Jessica.) Hey.
Jessica: What are you doing down here?
Jennifer: Are people insane or what?
Jennifer: I said, are people . . . never mind.
Jessica: People are weird!
Jennifer: Totally nuts!
Jessica: Definitely! Except us!
Jennifer: What is this country coming to? I swear to God!
Jessica: What are we talking about?
Jennifer: The election! Today’s the day!
Jessica: Today is the day!
Jennifer: So, you know! I mean, really!
Jessica: It’s been a pretty crazy ride.
Jessica: Ah. Yeah. Okay.
Jennifer: No! Not okay! Many think it’s not a big deal, but it is!
Jessica: Like I said, pretty crazy . . .
Jennifer: He uses derogatory terms towards minority groups, not to mention women! He treats women like objects! “See that 10 year old girl? I’m going to date her in ten years!”
Jennifer: Yes! Electing someone like that goes against everything we’ve ever tried to accomplish!
Jennifer: Women! It’s outrageous!
Jessica: Most of the things he says are for getting attention.
Jennifer: Fat pigs, dogs, slobs, disgusting animals! Who wants attention like that?
Jessica: Hey, I never said it was good attention. Trump wants to be talked about and guess what? He’s always being talked about! Look, we’re doing exactly what he wants us to do. Smart! Smart man!
Jennifer: Smart? Really? He shouldn’t be getting away with it!
Jessica: Okay, stop yelling, I get your point.
Jennifer: Moron! You stupid idiot!
Jessica: Look who’s talking!
Jennifer: Shut up! Un-friend!
Jessica: What are you doing?
Jennifer: I’m un-friending! Judy! Terry! Amanda! Can you believe Amanda? Amanda! God!
Jennifer: She’s supporting a psychopath for president, that’s why! She’s gotta be nuts!
Jessica: Maybe she honestly believes he’d be the better leader.
Jennifer: Then she’s an idiot! And nuts!
Jessica: You know what, you’re busy, I gotta get to class.
Jennifer: Did you vote? You’re voting today, right?
Jessica: Right after school.
Jennifer: Oh, and happy birthday by the way.
Jessica: Thank you. Yeah, wow, can you believe it? I swear to God, I never thought I’d live to be 18. Oh my God, 18 is so old! It’s so old!
Jennifer: How was the party?
Jessica: The party? Well, it was umm . . .
Jennifer: You think I’m not gonna find out about my own sister’s birthday party?
Jessica: No, I’m just, you know, I asked dad if you could come, I said . . .
Jennifer: Don’t even go there.
Jessica: Well, I felt bad, I said, Dad, please . . .
Jennifer: Why didn’t you ask me? What’s dad got to do with it?
Jessica: Oh, come on.
Jennifer: Did he try to pick up any of your friends?
Jessica: No! Jennifer! God! Anyway, his girlfriend was there.
Jessica: No, his new girlfriend.
Jennifer: Oh, his new girlfriend! I guess you all were safe then. That’s nice.
Jessica: Give him a break, Jennifer!
Jennifer: Like he gave mom?
Jessica: Oh boy, here we go . . .
Jennifer: You see, that’s the whole thing right there, Jessica. He’s got you on a leash . . .
Jessica: Does not!
Jennifer: And he couldn’t care less about me, obviously.
Jessica: You are so twisted, it’s not even . . . God, Jennifer!
Jennifer: You’re the one who left mom and me. You’re the one who moved in with him!
Jessica: You know, Jennifer, this is why I don’t hang out with you . . .
Jennifer: You’re probably going to vote for Trump.
Jessica: I gotta get to class.
Jennifer: You are, aren’t you?
Jennifer: Voting for Trump.
Jennifer: You liar.
Jessica: I’m not voting for Trump.
Jennifer: Okay. I believe you. One more vote for sanity. Thank you!
Jessica: Yay, sanity!
Jessica: Pinky! Forever! I love you! (They hug.)
Jennifer: I love you. (Jenn breaks) But lemme tell ya, they’re out there . . .
Jennifer: Who do you think? (Jessica’s phone rings) Them!
Jessica: (Jessica’s phone rings.) Hold that thought. Hello? Oh, hi. What? I can’t hear you. I know it’s important, I’m going right after class. Yes, I am! I know, I know! What? Dad, come on! . . . of course I love you, but why do I have to . . . I’m with Jennifer. Yes! Alright, alright! I, Jessica Pace . . . do hereby promise . . . on the grave of my father . . . on the grave of? Dad! . . . on the future grave of my father, to vote for . . . hm . . . hm . . . hm! I did say it! I said it! Hm. Hm. Him!
Jennifer: What did you say?
Jessica: Chill! Not you, dad! Bye!
Jennifer: (pause) Don’t ever tell me to chill. Never, ever, ever tell me to chill! You said you cared.
Jessica: Come on, he’s not that bad.
Jennifer: Trump? Or dad? (pause) Go. Just go.
Jessica: If you cared that much about people being judgmental, then you’ve gotta be okay with people on the opposing side! Not that we’re on opposing sides, but, dammit! I just like his views better than crooked Hillary’s! Who should be in jail! She should be in jail! It’s so obvious! So I think everyone should just stop and calm down! Be nice!
Jennifer: You’re despicable.
Jessica: Dude, I’m not a racist. I’m not a horrible person. I’m not. You know that. Anyway, I’m doing this for dad. I promised. He says hi by the way.
Jennifer: If mom knew you were voting for Trump, she’d kill you.
Jessica: Can you go for one second without criticizing me?
Jennifer: Aww, poor baby!
Jessica: Why do you get so worked up about politics? It’s just politics! Come on, be nice!
Jennifer: What do you think you’re doing, Jessica? You’re a woman!
Jessica: He loves women! Trump loves women! He loves them!
Jennifer: (pause) God, I couldn’t even show my face in public. I’d feel like such a traitor.
Jessica: I have a right to choose whatever political party I choose!
Jennifer: This is about way more than what dad is telling you to . . .
Jessica: I know that! God, Jennifer, sometimes you just . . .
Jennifer: This is about our country, Jessica! The whole country! This is about good and evil!
Jessica: Get off your high horse! You’re not the boss of me! If anything, you should be grateful I want to come back into your life!
Jennifer: Back into my life? Who do you think you are?
Jessica: Who do I think I am?
Jennifer: You arrogant bitch!
Jessica: Let go!
Jennifer: Take that back!
Jessica: Let go! Stop harassing me! Harassment! Harassment! Mr. Schulman, I’m being harassed!
Jennifer: You’re irrelevant! No one cares about you!
Jessica: I said enough!
(Jessica shoves Jennifer. Jennifer hits her head and passes out.)
Jessica: Oh my God, what have I done? Jennifer? I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I should just walk away. Everyone’s going to hate me! All I wanted was to be a good sister. I’m sorry, okay? I’m leaving. Someone else can find her. Oh, God, I’m sorry! Nurse? Nuuurse! Help!
Scene 2: Hospital Room
Jennifer: (Sitting straight up) Whoa! What . . . ?
Jessica: Oh my God! Jennifer! Thanky God you’re okay!
Jennifer: Where am I? Where is this?
Jessica: The hospital.
Jennifer: What happened?
Jessica: You don’t remember?
Jennifer: Remember what?
Jessica: You fell, accidentally, and you hit your head. You’ve been in a coma for the past four years. Here, look at the date on my iphone 12.
Jennifer: Oh my God. November 10th. I have homework!
Jessica: 2021. Yeah, and guess what? I’ll give you a clue. “I just wanted you 2 know that I’m bound to revealing too much.”
Jennifer: (Stuttering) Where is my mom?
Jessica: Downstairs getting coffee . . . with dad.
Jennifer: With dad?
Jessica: They’ve gotten together again. Thanks to you.
Jennifer: I don’t believe you.
Jessica: So, don’t. You’ll see.
Jennifer: Why did you push me?
Jessica: You were harassing me! We argued, and . . .
Jennifer: Wait, I remember. Politics.
Jessica: It was silly, but it’s all better now.
Jennifer: Donald Trump is our president.
Jessica: Was our president.
Jennifer: I slept through a nightmare.
Jessica: Not really. He didn’t really do much. It was totally idiotic for everyone to get so worked up over nothing.
Jennifer: What did he do?
Jessica: Well, first of all, he retracted most of what he said. He said he was very very very sorry.
Jennifer: What else?
Jessica: Well, instead of building the wall, he made it a teeny bit more difficult for people to just walk right in. And, guess what, he improved the illegal immigration rate by 25%!
Jennifer: Improved? You mean . . .
Jessica: Improved, Jennifer, improved!
Jennifer: But . . .
Jessica: It was a shame though that Canada built a wall. Yeah. Canadians are so mean! Oh, and he improved our relationships with the whole wide world! Other than Canada. And that’s nice! Jennifer, you should have given him more of a chance. You questioned his motives! But ya know, he did have five different first ladies.
Jessica: No! Trump, silly.
Jennifer: I guess you were right.
Jessica: About what?
Jennifer: Listening to dad.
Jessica: I know, right? Dad’s always right! And guess what?
Jennifer: I can’t.
Jennifer: I give up.
Jessica: Kanye West is now our president. “I’m trippin’! I’m trippin’ off the power!”
Jennifer: Am I still in a coma?
Jessica: Oh, silly!
Jennifer: Wait, does this mean Kim Kardashian is our first lady?
Jessica: Good Lord, no! They’re divorced. We have a new first lady.
Jessica: Guess! . . . Taylor Swift! (Jennifer drops back into bed.) Welcome home, Jennifer! The best is yet to come!
(Music, then loud school bell rings)
Jennifer: (Sitting straight up.) Whoa! What . . . ?
Jessica: Oh my God! Jennifer! I’m so sorry.
Jennifer: Where am I?
Jessica: The nurses office. You passed out, like, 20 minutes ago! I’m sorry, it was all my fault!