Are You Listening? – Ross School (2011)
Are You Listening?
By Brenna Leaver
Click here a video of this performance
Location: Bus Stop Time: Around 5:00
(Lily and JAKE both enter from opposite side with the blue tooth facing away from the audience)
LILY: Hi my name is Lily.
LILY: I think we?ve met before.
JAKE: Yes I think so.
LILY: How have you been?
JAKE: Good. And yourself?
LILY: Not so good. I?ve been having some problems.
LILY: Well, I just discovered there?s a tape worm, living inside of my body!
LILY: Yea, that?s right, a tape worm!
JAKE: Never mind, let?s not go there.
LILY: It?s real! It?s gotta be around forty feet by now.
JAKE: No offense or anything, but that doesn?t sound too appetizing.
LILY: Well if you think that is bad, it?s been eating everything I cram down my throat!
JAKE: Actually, that sounds really good. I?d like to try that.
LILY: I?ve lost so much weight!
JAKE: That sounds great!
LILY: It?s really been taking a toll on my digestive system. If you want I can send over a sample of my #2…just between you and me.
JAKE: No! No! No! I don?t want #2.
LILY: Ok, I?ll send some over tomorrow morning!
JAKE: No! I said no #2!
LILY: How many years have you been in the area?
LILY: That long?
JAKE: Yeah, you heard me. I said 25.
LILY: I just moved here.
JAKE: I don?t really care.
LILY: How about we get back to the tapeworm problem.
(Jake rolls his eyes and sighs.)
LILY: It makes me very weak.
LILY: I haven?t slept in days because of the stomach cramping.
Lily: It causes so much gas.
JAKE: Umm….. (Looks disgusted.)
LILY: I can even feel it wiggling around in my gut!
JAKE: You know what I don?t want to hear about this right now. Why don?t we get back to the conversation we?re supposed to be having.
LILY: Ok… so when am I going to see you next.
JAKE: Didn?t you hear me before? I said, 25!
LILY: I?m sorry, I didn?t understand you.
JAKE: Seriously, come on. It?s simple: 2, 5, TWENTY FIVE.
LILY: Ok I?ll see you then!
LILY: Gosh its so cold out! I?m always so cold, now that the tape worm has consumed most of my body fat.
JAKE: No! Stop! I don?t want to here about you and your problems! All I want to do is-
LILY: What time is it? I?ve seemed to have misplaced my watch.
LILY: I think I?d prefer it to be 7 if you know what I mean.
JAKE: No, I don?t.
LILY: I really feel like you aren?t helping me out with my situation.
JAKE: Well your not helping me.
(The conversation starts to become heated.)
LILY: You don?t understand! I need to get this tapeworm out of my body before it lays eggs!
JAKE: Do they come hard boiled?
LILY: Ugg!! Every time I try to talk to you you never help!
JAKE: Well how am I supposed to do that, if I don?t have a car?
LILY: This is exactly what I am talking about. You make no sense. You should have never moved here from Bulgaria!
JAKE: Well what do you want me to do about that?
LILY: I don?t know! You are so selfish. You never care about anyone else?s needs!
JAKE: What so you expect me to walk? I don?t have super legs!
LILY: I don?t care! You have always been so rude and obnoxious towards me, I don?t ever want to see you again!
JAKE: Well fine! I?ve had enough!
(Jake swings his arm while he says enough as a gesture so it hits Lily in the stomach. There will be a sound affect and Lily will fly back onto the ground.)
LILY: Excuse me! That was totally uncalled for!
LILY: No, no. Say no more. I think I?m going to leave now.
(Lily says this very sullenly)
JAKE: I apologize for being rude. (Jake says this in a dull tone.) Just give me order 25; the teriyaki chicken.
(Turns to the audience revealing he has been on the phone the whole time – a bluetooth headset.)
LILY: Then I?ll see you tomorrow at seven? Thank you Doctor. (Lily turns – she too has been on the phone the whole time.)
JAKE: Oh, and make sure you add extra soy sauce to the order.
LILY: As annoying as you are, I know you will help me with my parasite.
JAKE: No I said soy sauce, not duck sauce you idiot!