Anonymous – Eastport South Manor High School (2010)
by Amelia Navarrete
Click here to watch a video of this performance
Setting: Two computers sitting on desks are placed center stage. Each desk is to be set in a different room (i.e. the two character’s rooms). All that is seen is the desk /table the computer is sitting on and the contents on the desk, as well as two chairs for each room.
Katie: (Lights only on Katie SR. sitting at desk reading out loud) Please pick a username. This name will be used to keep you completely anonymous, other users will only be able to view your username. All other information will be kept confidential unless personally provided by the user. Okay… (typing) done. (pop-up sound) Congratulations you have completed your profile check your inbox for matches based on your personal survey. 10 matches… Rocker23 invites you to chat… (typing) oh he plays the guitar! Alien books are different… (reading) are you an alien, because you just abducted my heart. Wow… This was such a bad idea ( about to turn off the computer) . knightinshiningarmor53 invites you to a chat. One more I think that’ll be enough humiliation for one night.
Josh: (Lights rise SL) Hi there.
Josh: Usually this is where I would introduce myself, but I guess the point of this is not to give away my identity.
Katie: You’re new to this too?
Josh: Yeah, I kind of find the whole thing embarrassing… No offense.
Katie: No it’s alright, I completely agree my friends thought it would be a good idea…
Katie: How come?
Josh: I just got out of a relationship a couple months ago and according to my friends I need to open up the playing field again
Katie: It didn’t end well I’m guessing
Josh: She just always seemed to get in the way
Katie: Yeah I hear you, the last guy I was with turned out to be a total disaster, and apparently I’ve been a complete mess for months so my friends want me to meet someone new.
Josh: Works for me.
Josh: So since we both think this whole online dating thing is stupid we mine as well test it out to the max, no names, no pictures nothing to give our identity away.
Katie: Just words, to find our soul mates.
Josh: Exactly, except your name.
Katie: I got that.
Josh: Well aren’t you a fast learner.
Katie: (laughing) Shut up, well how do we start?
Josh: Tell me about yourself.
Katie: Umm I like sports.
Josh: Okay a little vague, but that’s a start.
Katie: Well, what do you want to know?
Josh: Just describe yourself to me.
Katie: well, I like to dress nice, all the time. Like right now I’m in a simple dress and a sweater, appearance is important. (in sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt)
Josh: Now you ask a question.
Katie: Are you organized or messy?
Josh: (surrounded by dirty laundry and books) I’m pretty organized.
Katie: What do you find unattractive?
Josh: Hair up. I don’t care if it’s a mess I’d rather it be down.
Katie: (pulling her hair out) Note taken.
Josh: (laughing) What about you?
Katie: Hats annoy me.
Josh: (taking his hat off) Did they do something to you?
Josh: The hats.
Katie: (laughing) No, my ex just never took his off.
Josh: Fair enough.
Katie: Are you strong?
Josh: (flexing his muscles) of course… Do you have a good laugh?
Katie: (trying out different laughs) Yeah. (the two continue typing, doing various things for example Katie restyles her hair Josh tries raising his cheek bones)
Josh: You know if we keep meeting each other’s standards we should do an unveiling…
Katie: Like meet?
Josh: Yeah in a couple weeks.
Katie: Isn’t that to soon?
Josh: Okay how about two months?
Katie: Okay, but where?
Josh: You pick the place.
Katie: Um, what about Bella, do you know it?
Josh: Of course I know the place; it’s one of my favorites.
Katie: Sounds great! I have to go though, 2 pm in two months
Josh: I’ll talk to you tomorrow. 2 o’clock it’s a date… (Lights Fade)
(Lights, revealing the inside of a restaurant. Katie sits alone at a table)
Katie: He’s late… well maybe I’m early; I probably should’ve waited for him. (Standing) Oh, I can’t just leave the table and ask to be seated again (Sitting). But what if (Standing). Breathe Katie (Sitting) one… two… He must be standing me up; he’s a half hour late and he just – Oh! My watch is upside down… This is so embarrassing this whole thing is just completely and totally, (Josh enters) Oh my God! How can this be happening, here I am alone at a table and Josh… Damn it! Oh no no no no, what if he “knightinshiningarmor53” gets here and then I have to explain to Josh that we met, online. Crap he’s going to see me. I have to leave, don’t turn around no, Josh come on do one thing right… (Katie pulling the tablecloth, cup falls, Josh turns, and Katie goes under table)
Josh: That was Katie that had to be her. Ruining everything as always, but where did she go. Forget it, she’s not going to ruin my night. Not after months of talking to this girl, getting to know this girl. I’m not going to jeopardize this. She’s just my ex-girlfriend. I wonder what she’s been up to, her hair looked different, pretty, she’s always been pretty… Focus Josh, you’ve been waiting for this night for months. Months of starring at a computer screen talking to the perfect girl; without a face or a name. She’s going to be some old hag, you idiot. This is just so stupid I should just walk out the door. Maybe I should sit, no, no, “knightinshiningarmor53” would wait for “flowerprincess82”. So being the Knight I am I’ll just sit here, sit here and wait…”
Katie: He must be seated by now. (Coming up from under the table)
Josh: That is Katie, great just great
Katie: He’s still standing there, now he’s coming over here. (putting menu in front of face) go away go away go away go away
Josh: (walking towards Katie) Katie?
Katie: go away go away go away go away
Josh: (clearing throat) uhh Katie
Katie: Josh what a pleasant surprise
Josh: You alright?
Katie: Couldn’t be better
Josh: You seem, well never mind (going to sit)
Katie: My date is uh he’s
Katie: In the bathroom, he’s in the bathroom going to the bathroom
Josh: That’s usually what you do in the bathroom
Katie: Who are you here with?
Josh: She’s late
Josh: I don’t know her, I mean you don’t know her
Josh: You know maybe he got lost he’s been in there awhile
Josh: Your date
Katie: I’m sure he’s fine
Katie: It was a long drive
Josh: From where
Katie: The computer
Josh: Excuse me?
Katie: Computer Street in Delhi you know that’s at least 45 minutes from here
Josh: Yeah I have a cousin that lives out there; maybe they know each other.
Katie: (looking around) Who?
Josh: My cousin
Katie: I’m not dating your cousin Josh
Josh: I know I’m talking about
Katie: (stands up squinting at something in the distance) Where is he
Katie: My date
Josh: I thought you said
Katie: He’s at least a half hour late now, maybe he’s lost
Josh: Are you okay?
Katie: He said he knew the place well
Josh: Maybe you should drink some water
Katie: I don’t even have his number
Josh: Who’s number?
Katie: My Dates number!
Josh: I thought he was in the bathroom
Katie: (sitting) oh right he is, or he was he just ran to pick up…. Napkins
Katie: Yeah he’s allergic to this linen
Katie: You know maybe you should go back to the lobby to wait for – ?
Josh: My date
Josh: I could just wait here I mean there’s no point in us both looking awkward
Katie: Okay (looking at her watch, tapping it aggressively)
Josh: Is it broken?
Josh: Your watch
Katie: Oh no, I’m just worried
Katie: Well my date might have gotten lost
Josh: Finding linens?
Katie: No getting here, I mean finding me, getting back to the restaurant to be with me
Josh: I see (silence)
Katie: (distracting herself)… So, where’s your date, are you being stood up Josh?
Josh: Please I know my date fairly well
Katie: How’d you guys meet?
Josh: Through a couple friends
Katie: I must know her then!
Josh: I doubt it
Katie: Josh we have the same circle of friends
Josh: Well then maybe you two have seen each other before, how would I know?
Katie: Well what’s her name?
Josh: Katie I really doubt you know her
Katie: (jokingly) Did you forget her name Josh?
Josh: Oh give it a rest God
Katie: I was only kidding
Josh: You know it’s just like you to be so intrusive
Josh: I simply wanted to catch up and you have a billion questions
Katie: I was just trying to make conversation
Josh: You’re jealous that’s all
Katie: In case you forgot I have a date here too
Josh: Where Katie? Buying linens, he must be a freak
Katie: You don’t even know him! And you can’t even give me any details about this mystery girl of yours
Josh: She’s incredible, she’s nice and sensitive and caring she’s all I’ve ever wanted in a girl
Katie: Lucky you, and what does she look like, is she you’re dream Barbie doll also?
Josh: This is so frustrating!
Katie: I know meeting with you is always a hassle
Josh: No I mean –
Josh: What time is it?
Katie: A quarter to two
Josh: Almost an hour late
Katie: Your date?
Josh: Yes my date
Katie: That makes two of us. This is so embarrassing
Josh: I thought –
Katie: We met online okay? All my friends kept telling me I was miserable. I needed to have fun. But I couldn’t find anyone so they set me up on this anonymous website to meet people. And I met this guy and he’s supposed to be here…. But he’s not.
Josh: (laughing) Really?
Katie: Just say it I’m pathetic. You’ve moved on and I’m sitting here humiliating myself
Josh: (laughing) So you don’t even know his name
Katie: No but I know all sorts of things about him
Josh: (laughing) she could be an old hag
Katie: Well no, I’ve been talking to a guy
Josh: No me
Katie: I don’t get it
Josh: I’ve been waiting for this girl from this website also
Katie: You’re kidding!
Josh: So we both got stood up
Katie: (laughing) Both humiliated
Josh: And we don’t even know their names to call them out on it
Katie: Who needs them, mine was so corny “your knight in shining armor will show up in a blue shirt yellow rose in hand”
Josh: I got the “since I love flowers I’ll be in a flower print dress and one flower will be in my hair, look for me”
Katie: (no longer laughing) oh
Josh: (still laughing) I know it’s horrible
Katie: No I mean
Josh: (laughing) I mean obviously she wasn’t going to show up she was probably just making fun of me, laughing with all her friends
Josh: (stops laughing) flowerprincess82?
(They both look at each other in shock as the lights fade )