Dog Days – The Ross School (2015)

Maximillian Schlabach and Carter Marcelle in Jensen Rowen’s play “Dog Days.” Photo by Tom Kochie.

Dog Days by Jensen Rowen

Click here to watch “Dog Days” on YouTube

(The scene takes place at the characters’ apartment, late at night)

Gus: Hello Jasper…

Jasper: (stammering) Wh-what are you umm…doing awake?

Gus: Waiting for you…where the hell have you been?

Jasper: I was just playing poker with the dogs. Chill bro. Why are you all worked up?

Gus: (sighing) I called Frank, he said that you weren’t there. Care to explain? (sniffing the air) Hold up, I wouldn’t mistake that stench anywhere. (Gasps in shock) A cat…what the hell man?! Us dogs stick together. How could you?!?

Jasper: Just let me explain-

Gus: (furiously) I don’t even want to hear it…

Jasper: Come on man give me a chance…

Gus: Why should I? And how long have you been sneaking around with a… (Gags) cat?

Jasper: Well, for starters, I really like her…

Gus: Go on…

Jasper: And well, you know, she’s really nice and just…c’mon I want you to meet her.

Gus: A cat! Ha! I’ll meet her when humans fly!

Jasper: Uhh, Gus…humans can fly…

Gus: (stubbornly) Fine…I’ll go. But I won’t have fun…when will I meet her?

Jasper: (excited) Tomorrow, for kibble…you won’t regret this.

Gus: But you better not let it come between us.

Jasper: Her. Better not let her.

Gus: Fine whatever. Good night. (They settle down to sleep)

Jasper: Good night.

(The next morning)

Jasper: Gus wake up! My tail won’t stop wagging! Aren’t you excited?

Gus: Get off me man; I’m trying to sleep.

Jasper: (calming down) Sorry Gus, I just haven’t slept because I’ve been so excited…

Gus: It’s fine, I get it – you want me to meet…uhhh…what was her name again?

Jasper: Oh I forgot to tell you her name. It’s Cecilia. It’s beautiful right?

Gus: (Under his breath) Maybe for a cat…wait hold on…I know that name.

Jasper: What?

Gus: Nothing…

Jasper: (shrugs) Whatever…

Gus: So we better get going right?

Jasper: Yup let’s head on out. (They leave)

(At the restaurant)

Jasper: Boy this is a nice place right Gus?

Gus: Yeah…

Jasper: So…are you excited to meet Cecelia?

Gus: Yeah I guess.

Jasper: What’s that supposed to mean?

Gus: Nothing, it’s just that I would rather be home sleeping.

Jasper: (Sarcastically) Well that’s nice to hear.

Gus: Whatever…So the food looks good. I might have a Rib Eye steak.

Jasper: Sounds good…I might have the same.

Gus: Where is Cecelia by the way?

Jasper: Oh, she’s in the bathroom.

Gus: That reminds me, I need to use the bathroom. Order for me if the waiter comes.

Jasper: Ok. (Gus goes to bathroom. Jasper looks at menu)

(returning home)

Jasper: Soooo…did ya like her?

Gus: (unwillingly) I could deal with her… there’s just one thing…

Jasper: What is it?

Gus: Cecelia and I…used to date.

Jasper: WHAT?

Gus: It was a long time ago. I know I lectured you about dating cats and that was because I had experience. It’s a terrible choice. She’s so untrustworthy. She cheated on me while we were dating.

Jasper: Is there still anything between you guys?

Gus: No. Trust me. I want nothing to do with her.

Jasper: Well get used to it. She’s going to be around for a long time. (Pause. Silence.) Dude what is wrong with you? Ever since you came back from the bathroom you haven’t been able to look me in the eye.

Gus: It’s nothing.

Jasper: Come on man you can tell me anything.

Gus: Ok…well, while I was in the bathroom Cecelia came in. I was confused and before I could say anything she tried to make a move on me…I stopped her. I’m so sorry man; I know that you liked really liked her.

Jasper (angrily) Cecelia? Look I know that you don’t like her that much. But to go to such lengths and make up this ridiculous story to get me to break up with her! I thought that we were friends…Don’t even try to say anything.

Gus: (softly) But…ah what’s the point. He won’t listen. I guess I’m sleeping on the floor tonight.

(Gus and Jasper at home. Jasper is in the bathroom) (Doorbell rings. Gus answers the door)

Cecelia: Hi there.

Gus: Jasper is in the bathroom.

Cecelia: (offstage voice) That’s okay. I was actually looking for you. I want to pick up where we left off.

Gus: No. There is nothing to pick up. You are Jasper’s girlfriend. That is completely wrong.

Cecelia: He doesn’t need to find out…

Gus: Yes he does. He needs to find out about all of this. How could you do what you did to me? To Jasper? He’s a great guy. He doesn’t deserve this. I’m going to tell him.

Cecelia: And he won’t believe you.

Gus: Just go home. Get out of here.

Cecelia: Fine, but I am going to see you later. (Makes kissing sounds. She leaves. The toilet flushes. Jasper reenters the room.)

Gus: Before you yell hear me out…

Jasper: What?

Gus: The same thing happened again with Cecelia. She just came over here, trying to get back together. I turned her down again.

Jasper: Wow…here we go again. You have no proof. I’m not mad. Just please stop trying to break us up. I don’t know what kind of sick endgame this has, but I just don’t want to hear it.

Gus: I got it. The Dog Alarm 5000!

Jasper: What?

Gus: Our new security system that we got put in after that cat burglary. It comes with cameras.

Jasper: So?

Gus: You can see the footage of Cecelia when she came over! That’s enough proof in itself!

Jasper: Ok, but I don’t think we’ll see anything.

(They review the tape)

Jasper: I’m so sorry man; I should have believed you over that slimy cat. I let her come in between our friendship, which is the most important thing in my life.

Gus: It’s ok. As long as you get her out of our lives as soon as possible.

Jasper: You don’t even have to ask…