The Unexpected Ending – Eastport South Manor High School (2014)

Emilee Schneider and Megan McGuinness in Amanda Mullin’s play “The Unexpected Ending.” Photo by Star Black.

The Unexpected Ending by Amanda Mullin

Click here to watch “The Unexpected Ending” on Youtube.

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Narrator: Once upon a time there was a princess and she was happily living a glamorous life and… oh who am I kidding this isn’t a happily ever after story. It’s actually something you most likely won’t expect. This is a tale of two princesses in distress who aren’t who they seem. Kick back and enjoy this not so happily ever after.

Scene opens up with dim lights on stage and there is sounds of crunching leaves and branches from off stage. One girl is seen to be backing out SL by tip toeing backwards very carefully. Another girl is seen backing out SR holding a fork as her protection. They both are frightened and looking around and happen to bump into each other. They both are facing off not realizing who each other are. Snow White screams while Ariel points the fork in her face

Ariel: State your name, age and how much money you have on you

Snow White: Ariel….Oh my gosh!! I’m a BIG fan of all your films.

(Starts to sing part of your world when Ariel cuts her off)

Ariel: Yes, yes, You love my shell bra and my voice…blah blah blah. Just keep a ten foot radius from me until I find my security guard.

Snow White: Wait…Do you remember me? (Ariel looks at her, rolling her eyes) You don’t recognize me? Princess, known for talking with annoying animals, eats a poisonous apple (pretends to choke on the apple miming out what happened to her) I am Snow White!

Ariel: Oh yeah, (nervously laughing) You’re the one with the cheap dress made from polyester. That definitely was one of the worst movie I ever saw. Really was a waste of a half hour.

Snow White: Thank you? I really would love to stay and chat and possibly get an autograph but I must find a hiding spot pronto. Time is of the essence!

Ariel: Wait a second, what are you hiding from?

(Snow White mouths and mimes the names of the seven dwarves)

Ariel: Oh my god! You’re running from the midgets too?

Snow White: Shhhhh! Yes! I’ve been running for a good chunk of the day. At least I got my daily workout in

Ariel: Well, what’d they bust you for?

Snow White: I..umm..stole from them

Ariel: Wooow I didn’t know you had it in you. That sounds like something I would do but you….(Starts to laugh)

Snow White: I had no other choice! You see, I’m broke. You’d think you do a movie with seven little men that they’d be willing to help a girl in distress but noooo…not even one of them! I was desperate so I took matters into my own hands an they did not like that..at all.

Ariel: They all have quite the temper. The one that goes by Happy is the worst of them all. He tried to light me on fire!

Snow White: Wait, what did YOU do that made them so angry with you?

Ariel: I was walking in the forest to go and meet someone when I came across this huge mansion in the woods made from sticks so I started to blow at it thinking it would just fall over but it wouldn’t! So then I chucked rocks at it. I don’t like when someone’s house is bigger than mine so I wanted to take it down myself. And I may have happened to call them elves and tell them to go back to the north pole…

Snow White: Yeah they don’t like that very much at all

Ariel: I can see that now. Well do you know a way out of these woods? I thought you lived around here

Snow White: I live on the complete other side of these woods. I have no idea where we are. Everything just looks the same

Ariel: Ugh I thought you might be some use to me but you’re not. I guess we’ll have to be quiet and hopefully not be caught by those deranged little freaks. Ugh, it is not the right weather out here for my hair. If the weather stays like this then my hair will end up looking like Ursulla’s when she wakes up in the morning.

(Starts to take off red wig and brushes it)

Snow White: (screams) Holy shit! (She covers her mouth in disbelief of what she just said) Buuut..baa..your…hair?! It isn’t red!!!

Ariel: Yes, and your point?

Snow White: Your signature in the movie is you beautiful red hair! And wait a second.. where is your tail?!

Ariel: About that..it was never true. My agent always thought it would be different for me to have red hair so I could be more sellable. And every scene that I had to swim in I just used a stunt double. I don’t actually have any idea of how to swim.

Snow White: You swim in pretty much the whole movie!

Ariel: Yes, and your point?

Snow White: My whole life is a lie!!!

Ariel: Alright let’s not get dramatic now

Snow White: I looked up to you! There was a phase in my life where I died my hair red but Dopey said I looked like a leprecon and that should go find my pot of gold. And then I always dreamed of having a beautiful tale to flop around in and hopefully get some real friends. I cant believe you would lie to poor innocent children!

Ariel: You are just to creepy

(a noise of a loud animal is heard off stage. Snow White freaks and jumps on Ariel’s back)

Ariel: Get off of me! I don’t know where you’ve been!

Snow White: Did you hear that noise?

Ariel: It sounded like an animal. I thought you guys were…you know…tight and all.

Snow White: NO! (grabs Ariel’s fork)

Ariel: Hey! You better not get a scratch on that fork. It’s white gold and encrusted with diamonds!

Snow White: (going around the stage with fork as a sword) come out come out where ever you are or I will het you with the fork!

Ariel: Wow I’m so scared! Wait a minute…aren’t you known for dancing with animals and all of them being your ONLY friends

Snow White: Oh yeah, I…uh…love animals. I don’t know what would make you think I dont

Ariel: (sneaks up behind SW) BOO!

Snow White: (jumps up and down and is freaking out while frantically pointing the fork around) squirrel!!!!

Ariel: were you just really excited to see a squirrel or were you scared?

Snow White: (she’s at a lose for words while trying to find a way to cover it up) Alright fine! I’m petrified of animals. I’m scared of their tiny little claws, the way they look at you like you are their meal and all those annoying squeaky noises they make! It drives me crazy!

Ariel: (sarcastically mimicking SW) Oh my gosh my whole life is a lie! Guess I’m not the only one who wasn’t completely truthful to those poor innocent children

Snow White: Ok, fine I lied but I live with that guilt everyday. It’s not my fault that they never told me I was going to have to sing and prance around with animals throughout the WHOLE movie. I would go home every night and have nightmares about those deranged animals attacking me. Having “whistle while we work” playing over and over again. They make them look so innocent and cute but they aren’t! I am scared for life!

Ariel: I’m not scarred of animals because I am not that pathetic but I can say that animals are jerks. Flounder was always a diva on set. He would make a fuss about having to come in early and making sure they fed him the right shrimp. One time, one of his costumes wasn’t the right color blue and refused to act for the whole day. And don’t get me started on Sebastian. Whew he was one crabby crab. We all felt he was drinking alittle too much salt water and it was messing with his mood. He just never gave anyone a break. Always nagging nagging nagging ALL day long.

Snow White: Aww but I always found them to be so adorable and sweet! They were such great friends to you

Ariel: Says the girl who is afraid of woodland creatures

Snow White: Well those kinds of animals have feet and can chase me and eat me. A sea creature can’t get me on land. So I’m the one with the advantage

Ariel: You can try and reason the situation all you want but it is still pathetic. And also, you do know that there are some sea creatures that can also come on land too, right?

Snow White: (nervously) Umm yeah of course I knew that. (beat) It’s funny, everyone thinks the Queen in my movie is so evil but she actually is quite the party animal. We would always hit up the clubs and have a wicked night

Ariel: I find it hard to believe that you go partying at clubs. You’re so frail that I could snap you with my pinky. It would be pretty funny to see you drunk off apple juice though.

Snow White: Apple juice is my favorite! How did you know? (beat) I don’t want to sound like a fan girl but could you sing for me? I’ve always been in love with the way you sing for the movie

Ariel: (clearing her throat and doing an obnoxious voice trill and starts to sing the song in an octave lower. Not being able to reach many of the notes. A manly singing voice) I never cease to disappoint.

Snow White: That didn’t sound like the way you did in the movie or on all my cds I own of you singing Part of your World! I even have the platinum edition! Did they auto tune you?

Ariel: Of course not! Everything you see right here is the real deal. The one and only, Ariel of the sea.

Snow White: No, you are a fraud! First the hair, your tale and now your voice! At least I do my own acting and singing. Oh, the poor children of America! They will now grow up watching our movies thinking its real when its not!

Ariel: They will get over it. Just like they will when they find out Santa isn’t real.

Snow White: Santa isn’t real?!

Ariel: Oh my god, I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE! I can’t stand one more minute in this land fill. You must know some way of getting out of here without having me… I mean us getting caught. Use your forest instincts or something.

Snow White: As I told you before I don’t know! We’re better off just waiting it out. They’ll have to give up eventually.

Ariel: You’d think that my prince would come save me by now. He just can’t stand a waking moment apart from me.

Snow White: Lucky, my prince is never around. He always says he’s going to the beach to clear his mind.

Ariel: Oh it’s not the beach that he is visiting you sweet naive little girl.

Snow White: Of course he is, he would never lie to me.

Ariel: (can’t control her laughter) There is so much you need to learn about men, my dear.

Snow White: What are you implying (approaches Ariel with fork in hostile manner)

Ariel: (Frightened) That the sound of the waves are relaxing to big strong men.

Snow White: Tell me the truth.

Ariel: Every time he “goes to the beach” he is coming to visit me. (She grabs the fork from her hand)

Snow White: I don’t believe you. There is no way!

Ariel: Remember that time he said he was going to have a guys night with Charming and Prince Abooboo in Fariyland?

Snow White: (saying it but being ignored) His name is Aladdin

Ariel: Well he didn’t, he was actually taking me on a magic carpet ride across the stars

Snow White: (gasps) But that was our thing! HOW DARE YOU! All this time we’ve been with each other you didn’t think you had to tell me that my prince was cheating on me with you! Is that who you were going to meet in the forest?

Ariel: (singing) Some day your prince WONT come (starts to laugh uncontrollably)

Snow White: (gets in a sad version of a fighting position. Putting her hands out like claws and hisses at her) Its time for a cat fight missy!

Ariel: Oh look a cat!

Snow White: (screams) Where?!

Ariel: There’s not actually a cat you idiot. Now would you like my fist in your face or another poisonous apple?

Snow White: The apple definitely sounds much more pleasant

(The girls start to bicker and pull at each others clothes and hair. Creating a small fight, until a voice is heard)

Narrator: (clears throat) umm girls?

Snow White: God?

Ariel: What do you want mysterious voice coming from..I don’t know where? We’re kind of in the middle of something

Narrator: I just thought I’d let you know that the dwarves aren’t interested in chasing the two of you anymore. They got offered a movie deal for the Wizard of Oz to be apart of the lollipop guild so they don’t have any interest in chasing you girls around anymore.

Snow White: Are you kidding me! How come they get another movie deal and I don’t! Everyone gets sequels and I only got one lousy movie

Ariel: Umm maybe it’s because you suck.

Narrator: Neither of you are perfect at all. You both acted like a different person on screen when you really are both absolutely crazy

Snow White: I am not crazy!

Narrator: You’re afraid of animals that are the size of your foot.

Ariel: See I’ve been trying to tell her all day that she is absolutely bonkers

Narrator: And you, you are a complete and utter narcissist

Ariel: Your point is..?

Narrator: Ugh, Nevermind. All I’m saying is that you both can’t go around acting like you are in the movies and showing kids a fake version of yourselves

Ariel: What’s wrong with that?

Narrator: Well I don’t really want to see children’s hopes crushed

Ariel: They will be crushed sooner or later. Nothing turns out the way kids hope for anyways.

Narrator: Yes I know that but it’s about time you are honest with yourselves and start being who you really are. Even if you are paranoid and extremely irritating person, show it to the world. And you, try to be less full of yourself and nicer to people. It will get you farther in life.

Ariel: Didn’t you just say to be ourselves? Hypocritical don’t you think?

Narrator: Yes but you need a reality check. You’re just a mean individual who is selfish and mean to others

Ariel: Well I’ve gotten where I am today and I’m rich soooo I think I am doing just fine.

Narrator: You are just a lost cause. Anyhow for the good of your own safety you two should probably go your separate ways

Snow White: I agree with you entirely. You’re the last person I want to see in my part of the forest ever. Tell my prince that he doesn’t have to bother coming home anymore

Ariel: He’ll be glad to hear that one.

Snow White: (shoots her a look) So guess this is good bye huh?

Ariel: More like good riddens

Snow White: I will let that one slide just because I am going to turn over a new leaf. I think I might actually visit a petting zoo to slowly try to enjoy the company of animals.

Ariel: Good for you. Maybe I’ll take a swimming lesson so then I can get paid extra for doing my own stunts. Anyway, I better be off. I’d love to stay and chat but then again I don’t like you so that wouldn’t work out. I have no reason to be here anymore so peace out whitey! This was such a memorable day that I’ll NEVER forget

(A Exits stage right)

Snow White: Wait! You were supposed to give me your autograph! Darn it, well good bye mysterious and inspirational voice (starts to walk of SL)

Narrator: Good bye….umm what was your name again?

Snow White: (stops) Snow White! Why does no one ever remember me!

Narrator: (sarcastically) oh yes that movie…it was so good

Snow White: It’s about time someone thought it was a masterpiece! Well good bye sir!

(SW exits stage left)

Narrator: That movie was far from being a masterpiece. Fell asleep within the first five minutes. I don’t know what Walt Disney was thinking when he made that one (starts laughing then clears his throat) Anyhow I hope you all learned that not everything is exactly as it may appear before your eyes. Look deeper into things and see that life definitely has some unexpected twists and turns that you won’t see coming.

(Ariel comes running back on stage)

Ariel: (talking to audience) All of you think I’m fabulous and talented right? And don’t forget radiant and stunning as well!

Narrator: Not you again, will you please exit the stage!

Ariel: This is ridiculous, I’m calling my agent!!

Narrator: That’s great now please go have your temper tantrum off stage

Ariel:(under her breath) Peasants (exits stage right)

Narrator: At least I got paid to do this

Ariel: (offstage) At least people know who I am

Narrator: I’m the voice behind every Disney movie

Ariel: Oh screw you!

Narrator: And a happily ever after