Something Intense (2019)
By Morgan Vaughan
Pierson High School
Click here to watch Something Intense
Set in an auditorium with the scene of a medieval themed play or a photo of an empty stage in a vaudeville-esque theater
Night = Narrator, Wizard, Arthur’s brother, & Night
Jackie = Knight, Arthur, & Jackie
Note: The actors must differentiate clearly the lines of the play Night has written, stage directions, and their main characters. When they are speaking the stage directions as lines, they should attempt to do the actions described.
Note: stage directions in italics and [brackets] are not spoken.
NIGHT: “The Princess was held up at the top of the tower pleading for the knight to save her,” she says as a light points at a prop tower on a hill.”
JACKIE: “Have no fear, fair maiden! ’Tis I! Your knight in shining armor come to rescue you!” The light now appears on a “knight” with a toy sword and a fake knight costume.
NIGHT: The princess cried tears of joy at his voice. “Oh, my dear knight! Save me from this wretched man’s tower,” she cries, leaning out the window as far as she can reach without falling to her demise. [The prince called back to her as a prop princess is stuck out of the tower’s window.]
JACKIE: “By my word as a knight, my fair maiden! I shall rescue you from this torment you are so burdened with.” The knight raises his sword and does that knight stance they always do where they step with one foot forwards and look up.
NIGHT: “Take no step further or ye be nothing but a fool!” cries a voice from the dark. Suddenly, a wizard appeared from the shadows!”
[She grabs a wizard cloak and a stack of papers from behind the prop castle and a smoke machine makes a cloud around her.]
[As Night steps out, she knocks over the castle huffing and quickly picks it up.]
JACKIE: “What have thee, wretched man!” The knight partially lunges the sword towards the wizard.
NIGHT: “You seek to free the wretched maiden from the tower dear knight?!” The wizard purrs a sense of amusement, curls in his lips and points to the tower.
JACKIE: “Ha Ha! The knight laughed in return. I do sir! For that is my quest.” The knight lowers his sword to his sides.
NIGHT: “Well you can have her. She sucks.”
[Night waves her hands in a dismissive manner.]
JACKIE: Night. [Jackie looks over at Night, kinda disappointing at her, kinda amused – c’mon!]
NIGHT: Okay. Fine! “He who dared to steal my lady away from me must face the consequences!” The wizard smirks his wicked crooked smile. He moves his hand in a spell casting way.
JACKIE: “Have at thee!” He draws his sword again.
NIGHT: “Fool. Perish!” The wizard laughs. He moves into a wizard fighting stance, if that even is a thing.
JACKIE: “Die foul beast!” He thrusts his sword forward.
NIGHT: “It looks like I have won, dear knight!” The wizard throws stack of papers at the knight and when says ‘zap’ kills the knight. [ZAP!]
[The wizard zaps the knight who dies on impact.]
JACKIE: Night, why’d you change my ending?
[Jackie looks at the papers and walks over to Night.]
NIGHT: Because YOUR ending sucked. [shrugs]
JACKIE: What do you mean? You literally wrote the most Disney of Disney plays! [Jackie slaps the papers in his hands.]
JACKIE: Yes it was. There was even one of those sappy endings where the knight and the princess lived, as I quote from your own writing: [Jackie shuffles the papers and flips to the end page.]
NIGHT: Stop. [huffs]
JACKIE: “They gazed into each others eyes smiling as they kiss -”
[Jackie made kissy lips as Night gags.]
NIGHT: Jackie, don’t you dare.
JACKIE: “And lived happily ever after. The end”
NIGHT: I hate you.
JACKIE: No you don’t. [Jackie smiles at Night, giving her puppy dog eyes]
NIGHT: Yes, I do. [Night mumbles and pulls out another stack of papers throws it at Jackie]
[JACKIE looks at the paper]
JACKIE: You wrote two plays?
NIGHT: Jackie, I wrote like seventeen of these. I can’t really decide on which to go with…, Now, be my second person. [Night says putting the wizard hood over her head.]
JACKIE: Fine, don’t be bossy. What’s this one about? [He starts to take off his cardboard armor.]
NIGHT: No! Keep that on! [she threatens to throw the other stack of papers at him.]
JACKIE: Jeez! Fine! [Puts back on the armor.]
NIGHT: Ok, so, we’re in another medieval setting –
JACKIE: [Says while Night is explaining the next play] Ya.
NIGHT: …Stop, you asshat.
NIGHT:Ok, so this one is basically a satirical look at The Seeing Stone.
[NIGHT Puts the first play’s papers away and picks the current play’s papers off the floor]
JACKIE: You can stop bringing up the fact that you found the book boring, you know?
NIGHT:Shush! Quiet your mouth. And for the record, the book was boring!
[Jackie shrugs and adjusts his armor. Both get in position standing across the stage. Night takes the princess out of the castle.]
NIGHT: Arthur is standing in a field, which is conveniently located next to a pig pen. His…lovely brother walks up next to him, slowly.
[Night walks up to Jackie as he looks back to her.]
JACKIE: So I have to wear this, but you don’t?
[Jackie gestures to Night’s outfit, which is still the wizard one]
NIGHT:Oh, shush and read your lines.
JACKIE: Fine! “Oh, why, hello there, dearest brother of mine.”
NIGHT: “You suck Arthur! Always hanging out near those peasants.”
[She pulls out the fake princess from behind her.]
JACKIE: “She looks like a well off lady.” [He laughs doing that beard rubbing thing.]
NIGHT: Shut up, she’s just a prop. And since you’re complaining about this one, too –
[Night huffs and walks over to Jackie taking the paper from his hands.]
JACKIE: What are you-? [Night cuts him off throws the paper at him.] Ass.
NIGHT: We’re moving onto the next one.
[Night walks over to her bag which was placed next to the prop tower and she kicks the tower]
JACKIE: Why did ya punt the tower!?!?
NIGHT: Because I wanted to punt the tower Jackie…also it’s in the way of our next play idea. [Night smiles as she pulls out another script out of her bag.]
JACKIE: How many of those do you have?!?!
NIGHT: [looking Jackie dead in the eyes] I told you. I. Wrote. Seventeen of these…just because I don’t have most of them, doesn’t mean I didn’t write them…especially if I lost them…..
JACKIE: Ok, well, we sh-
NIGHT:Because that’s fine.
[Jackie stops and stares at Night who stares back at them while neither says anything.]
JACKIE: Are you –
JACKIE: [staring at Night] – done..
[The two stay still for a moment. A beat.]
NIGHT: Yes. [Night smiles walking over to Jackie with her backpack on.]
JACKIE: Ok, cool. [Jackie stares at Night and she hands him the script.]
NIGHT: What? [Night looks at him cocking her head like a dog.]
JACKIE: Nothing. Ok so, what’s this one about? [Looking down at the script.]
NIGHT: Ok, so like, I totally didn’t steal part of this from my friend –
[Jackie cocks his eyebrow.]
JACKIE: You are a terrible person.
NIGHT: Joke’s on you. I’m not a human.
JACKIE: [slowing turning to face her] I–I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say anything.
[Night frowns and Jackie looks down at the script again.]
NIGHT: Oh, ya. So this one is about a kid who goes to school on the weekend on accident and decides that it’s a good idea to run away but decides against it.
[Night turns a few pages making sure she has the right script.]
JACKIE: Ok, not bad. [Jackie admits, looking through the script like Night]
NIGHT: Thanks. So basically, it’s a mix of my friend’s play and a bit of the book Catcher in the-
[Jackie rushes over to her and put his hand on her mouth.]
JACKIE: Shhhhhh!!! We don’t say that name here! [JACKIE looks around the stage.]
[NIGHT makes muffled noises of protest.]
JACKIE: You’re lucky no one is here.
[NIGHT makes muffled questioning noises.]
JACKIE: What was that? [He takes his hand off her mouth.]
NIGHT: Why can’t I say it? [She cocks her head again like a dog as before.]
JACKIE: Don’t tell me you don’t remember! We were like two seats away in the same English class. [JACKIE moves his hands in the ‘come on’ motion.]
NIGHT: Ya, I was in the class but why can’t I say I was inspired by it? I mean Kate doesn’t mind that I’m using her play as inspiration….[Awkward pause] I think…
JACKIE: Well, that’s shitty, but anyways, it’s like a taboo thing and also can-get-you-butt-sued-kind-of-thing.
NIGHT: So, saying the book’s name is like saying You-Know-Who’s name?
JACKIE: [confused.] Who?
NIGHT: [offended.] Who?
JACKIE: [madly questioning.] Who?!
NIGHT: Yes, the doctor.
JACKIE: [puzzled.] What?
NIGHT: No, Who.
[Jackie looks at Night with a ‘really?’ face]
NIGHT: So, that’s a ‘no’ on the play? [Night asks pointing finger guns at Jackie.]
JACKIE: [shrugs.] Better be safe than sorry.
NIGHT: Well, I’m gonna be sorry if I don’t come up with a play that would work that I could turn in for the contest thing. [crosses her arms.]
JACKIE: It’s not really a contest, it’s more of a ‘we-petition-plays-to-the-theater-and-they-pick-which-one-they-like-best’ kind of thing.
NIGHT: Well, either way, it’s due this Friday and I don’t know what I want to turn in!
JACKIE: [shrugs.] I mean it’s only Wednesday.
NIGHT: I still need to have one done!
JACKIE: If you’re worried about picking one, why don’t you just pick them all?
NIGHT: [confused.] What?
JACKIE: You know. Remember that one time at writing where you said it was hard for you to stay motivated on a story when after you get a few chapters in? And the writing instructor told us about a book which is the same two characters meeting and it went on for the whole book until the end where they were like, “wow, it is really hard to write an ending, why don’t we just write a whole book of beginnings.”
NIGHT: Oh ya! That’s a great idea! But what should I call the play…it needs a cool name to get people interested in it. [She holds her cheek and rubs it.]
JACKIE: Well, it’s gotta be something intense because people love intense things.
NIGHT: Ya, that’s great. Thanks, man.
JACKIE: No problem. So what were you thinking for the title?
NIGHT: Oh, you’ll see.
[The title Something Intense with INTENSE graphics comes on the screen along with appropriate INTENSE music – maybe even a voiceover in movie-trailer or Monster-Truck style: “Something INTENSE…” ]